What fisherman doesn’t like a good joke and pun or two? The Best Fish Jokes and Puns, some funny, some insane, wacky, and weird but entertaining none the least. Below I have listed top fish jokes and puns you should bring with you on your next fishing trip. Plus several real stinky fish jokes of our own included for you to read and laugh out load or perhaps shudder and groan at the sight of them. However, you still will be entertained none the least, in either a good or bad way.
Featured Fish Jokes and Puns
- Enjoy reading on Kindle or Paperback
- Smile, laugh, groan,
- Entertainment while fishing
- One liners
- Fishing puns
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Lieutenant Vs Cadets at the Sheepshead Bay 99th Division of Saltwater Rotten Fish Jokes and Puns
A training program is going on in USA military academy, where the Lieutenant is teaching a batch of fishy looking new sea cadets. And luckily, Sheepshead Bay has two of its most talented cadets in attendance, Jim and Jerry, both are present and accounted for and ready for their training program.
Lieutenant asked the first cadet Jim “what are you holding in your hand, Jim”?
Jim: It’s a Rifle, Sir.
Lieutenant: No. It is not a Rifle. It’s your pride, your honor, your mother, understand me son?
Jim: SIR! Yes Sir.
Then the Lieutenant asked the second cadet Jerry “what are you holding in your hand, Jerry”?
Jerry: I’m holding Jim’s mother, Sir. It’s his pride, his honour, his mother, and my aunty.
Lieutenant But it’s a Sheepshead Fish in a bottle of water!
Jerry: No sir my aunt and Jim’s mom she is a magic mermaid in a bottle disguised as a Fish and she wanted to come along with us to our training.
Lieutenant Shocked and Bewildered!!!!!! Calls the white coats in for Jerry and Sheepshead Bay is one sick fish less in the harbor today.
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Threatening Me on the Phone >>> A very moldy and smelly tale from beyond the outer limits of what A good fish joke should actually be about
Jim is dialing 911 on his phone in fish town USA. Let’s see why our dear friend Jim is in trouble…..
Jim: Hello Fish Town 911?
Officer: Yes, it is Fish Town 911. How may I help you?
Jim: I call to inform you that someone is consistently threatening me on the phone everyday!
Officer: Who the heck is threatening you every day? And what did he say?
Jim: Well, it’s my water utility operator, he is threatening me that if I don’t pay my bills by next week he is gonna cut off my water connection, drain my koi ponds, fish tanks, and mermaid swimming pool and take the darn fish too!
Officer: IS Shocked!!! Pays water bill immediately, and needs counselling. Seeks Fish Therapist at Salmon, Surf, and Swordfish Clinic in Fish Town USA
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Three Dummies And a Mermaid So Dumb yar best be readin it on a foggy day where no one can sees ya
Jim, Jerry, and Jack three best buddies with three most unhappy wives. Everyday they had to face a long session of quarreling with their wives that made their lives boring, rigid, and impossible to live.
So they decided to get rid of their wicked wives for a few days and enjoy themselves all by their own rules. So the next morning Jim, Jerry, and Jack flew to the coast of Jamaica without informing their wives.
They were having a great time there until they came across a mini-island at the end of Jamaican coast. They found the islet very fascinating and decided to stay there for a night.
That night, they spent a great time having fun, singing, dancing, and campaigning. But the next morning, they found a strange jar floating in the water. It was horribly looking, yet beautiful, and big. They fished it out of the water and took to their tent. With excitement and fear, Jack first proposed to open it up to see what was kept inside of this jar.
Though Jim first opposed to this proposal, Jerry also insisted to open the mouth of this jar. So the three best friends started opening the jar with a flame of fear and excitement both in their eyes.
The moment they opened it, water started to flow out and eventually an odd looking mermaid came out with the flowing waters. The three friends were first terrified but then they were able to pull themselves together with the assurance of the mermaid “you gave me freedom, so I’ll not kill you. Instead, I’d like to offer three of you something you crave for. So ask me what you want, and I’ll give you it in a second.
The friends were surprised and had trouble deciding what they actually wanted. Then Jack started first, asking:
If you really can give us anything we want, then I’d ask you to make me a billionaire. And send me to the luxuries castle in Las Vegas with lots and lots of show girls all around.
So the mermaid did it and to his surprise he found himself in the coolest tower of Las Vegas with cheerful girls all around him.
Then the second friend Jerry said: Well, I see you really have the ability, and I’d like you to make me the president of the USA and give me a room in the White House.
Sure enough, the mermaid did it and amazingly Jerry found himself in the White House with the power of a US President.
The third friend, Jim, was so impressed and wanted to ask for something too. But suddenly he got a filthy idea dancing around in his brain; he asked the mermaid to bring his two friends back and make them his unpaid slaves for the rest of their life.
So did the mermaid.
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Last Joke If you can Cough It Down Through the Bile Taste in Your Mouth You Scurvy Dog Demons Arrgggg….
FBI and The Shark
Once three legendary soldiers, one from Indian police department, one from Russian military, and one from US FBI department, were taken to a war zone by a silent chopper.
When they got into the Amazon rain forest border, their helicopter started messing up and in a few minutes it hit the ground. Luckily, three soldiers were alive, but soon they were spotted by the tribe’s watcher men. They brought them (soldiers) to their mighty king, King KonuMonu.
It was the birthday of the King, so he wanted to have fun with these soldiers. He told them “well, it’s my big day, so I’m not gonna kill you using the regular hanging method. I’d like to offer you chance of living. One who can go to this sea (addressing the nearby one) and bring me a shark will be free. But the others who fail will have to accept the death. Now go on and bring me a big shark for my birthday”.
So, the three soldiers rushed to the sea……
Indian Police: The first soldier, an Indian police officer dived deep into the sea, and spent there almost 40 minutes. But alas, he got nothing but a salmon and took it to the king. As the order, he was hanged by the neck until he died.
Russian Soldier: The second one, Russian Soldier jump into the sea, and spent more than 60 minutes trying to find a shark. But God wasn’t with him. So he had to accept the taste of death.
FBI: The third one, a US FBI agent, rushed to the sea, but he took a baton with him before diving into the ocean. He spent 40 minutes searching for a shark but got nothing. Then he said, “well I’m a FBI agent and nothing is impossible for the FBI, right”? so he fished a Tuna and took it to the shore.
Then he took his baton and started beating it up until it admits it’s a shark.
And then he took the Tuna to the king and said “my King, I brought you your birthday gift, a shark”.
King was shocked and said: What are you saying? Did you lose your sight? Don’t you see it’s big ugly Tuna?
FBI: No, my King. It’s a shark. If you don’t trust me, then ask it yourself.
King asked the tuna: What kinda fish are you?
Tuna: ” with fear” I’m a Shark, I’m Shark, don’t beat me, I’m a big scary Shark.
Moral: Nothing is impossible for the FBI.
